Germination

As I sit in-front of my kitchen table, making rosemary shortbread cookie dough.....I started pondering to myself....does unconditional love exist? Can you truly love someone unconditionally? How does lovers turn into friends? When do we start adding conditions to unconditional love? I used to believe that when you are in a relationship....having each other is enough...you live together, you grow old together, and ultimately, you purse happiness together.

The evolution theory suggests that humans are not meant to be monogamist. We are coded genetically to be polygamist. Males are trying to spread their seeds, whereas females are trying to find multiple providers. Over the years, have we evolved to resist our primordial instincts? But it is important to acknowledge that there are also opposing evolution theories suggesting that monogamy ensures that we passes on our genetics. Theories related to evolution are merely theories. There is no evidence to prove the validity of any of these theories. But we cannot control the feelings we have for others. We are bounded by our surroundings and circumstances. Our emotions ferments and develop over time regardless of how hard we try to control it. We often place ourselves in these furious cycles....tormenting ourselves...perhaps we are trying to remind ourselves of the good times. Without the bad, we will never know how good “good” can be. Perhaps it is the contrast that keeps life intriguing.

I guess there is no real point to this post. I just want to believe that we spend our lifetime searching for a person we are meant to share our lives with...one true soul mate. Of 6.92 billion people on this earth, there has to be a person out there for you. The obstacles we encounter are just an opportunity for growth. Definitely...maybe...

Jinxed by the New Year's bunny!!

I told myself I have to be honest on this blog. There is really no point in having one if I am going to conceal the truth. They say….never to make New Year’s resolutions….as you are bound to break them. The successful rate is around 15-20%. Haha! As it turns out, I had made my New Year’s resolution and had broken it on the very same day....a total of less than 24 hours...very impressive! haha! Readers of this blog (still doubting that there are any) know that I am trying to move on from a six years relationship (technically longer if you count the years we had known each other...anyways…that’s a story for another day)…well this “was” my New Year’s resolution. Maybe it was my dad’s cooking…maybe it was fate…maybe it was someone playing a sick sick joke….maybe it was a combination of all of the aforementioned....it was fate that my father decided to play a sick sick joke on me on New Year's Even! haha! Regardless of what it may be, I was food poisoned on New Year’s Eve and was puking all night….in my moment of weakness (I am a complete weak sauce by the way). Mr. X had contacted me…and I had responded (FAILED x_X ). Mr. X had dropped "our" sentimental attachments off (to learn more about them, please refer to the following post).

According to wasabiburger.com (yes….I have very credible sources...next time...my sources will be from hotdogs and sanwiches), of those 3,000 people who were surveyed, “52%...were confident that they would achieve their goal when they first committed to it (New Year’s Resolution). Which also means that 48% committed to a New Year’s resolution with expectations of not succeeding?”. Hummm….perhaps I am part of that 48%....or I am suffering from the New Year jinx (yes…I know what you are thinking…I have strong defense magnetism…deferring responsibility to something other than myself)!

Time to try again! Go away New Year's jinx!

The glass is always full!

Interestingly enough, one of my friends had recently moved from Montreal to Toronto for love. Her boyfriend of four years had gotten a new job at Apple. She moved to Toronto to be with him. The first comment that came out of my mouth was “What if they break up?! she will have nowhere to go!” Talk about projection. EEKK! I am projecting my feelings towards my own FAILED relationship towards her perfectly healthy relationship! Instead, I should have said “Good for you for taking the first step! You boyfriend must be pretty awesome to land a job at Apple. He is a keeper!”

My perception totally changed after having them for dinner. Their interaction had proven me wrong! They held hands and ran into the store together in the cold. She took care of him and he took care for her. Throughout the dinner, her boyfriend caressed her hair and said "I love you". It was heart-warming to see them together. *happy tears* :P Perhaps....if I have that type of relationship....I would do the same for love.

No more crazy projecting pessimistic Joyce!

Say no to the Sugar Plump Fairy!

A lot of people like to indulge in food when they are unhappy. The journey to forget someone can be tough…..so I decided to indulge in a tub of green tea ice cream (my favorite). MUAHAHAHA! Half way through the 2 liters of ice cream….I thought to myself…..wait a minute…why should my waistline suffer because of a bad break up! I will feel satisfy for a very short period of time…but my waistline will suffer for years to come!

On a superficial side of things…indulgence will result in a difficult time to find someone new! Say no to sugar plum fairy designed to make you plump! Fight the temptation!?

This link of the current sexiest woman alive photo leads me to believe that true love is out there. Despite of the jokes surrounding this image. Russell Brand sees her as she is, and loves everything about Katy. He loves her with and without her 9 pounds of cosmetics! Perhaps is it okay to finish that 2 liters of ice cream after all! haha! That's how I like to rationalize everything anyways! Ice cream wins at the end! H-u-r-r-a-y for ice cream...the end of my relstionahip problems and the beginning of my weight problem! :P

Warning: Bringing children into an unhappy relationship may result in Ralph Wiggum(s)!

When two people are in a relationship, they tend to get animate or inanimate objects together. Some couples get pets, some get houses together and some even decide to have children. It is apparently called the “bad investment theory”. When a relationship is dysfunctional, couples tend to get something to bond them together…to rekindle their relationship…something to keep them mutually invested in the dysfunctional relationship…to keep the relationship “functional”. That is a very grim way of looking at something that is so sentimental and sweet…..right? When you really analyze it…perhaps it is not. There are probably a lot of sad sad truths to the theory. x_X

Regardless of what they may be, these are really hard to let go. You had grown so emotionally attached to “he, she and/or it”. They are entrenched in your way of life. Putting them in a bag is perhaps one of the hardest things I have ever had to do…..okay….I didn’t suffocate a dog or murdered a baby and then stuffed them into a bag to hide the evidence! They are stuffed animals I had grown to care for and love….it is very tough to lead a life without them….I know I sound like a drama queen…but it’s been hard. I loved them for ¼ of my life! Here I am rambling like an emo loser….okay…I will admit it…I am…don’t judge! >_<

The Disney Fallacy

Today I sat there and watched a bunch of Disney movies. I almost started sobbing. Felt like an uber loser. Do happy endings really exist in reality? Why does the beautiful Princess always end up with Prince Charming? Even the self centered, inconsiderate Prince Naveen (from the “Princess and the Frog”) is willing to get two jobs to make Tiana’s dream to own a restaurant come true! Aww...how sweet! *sniff sniff* (On a side note….something to perhaps ponder about…will you really turn into a frog if you kiss too many frogs? BLAH! Well if there are readers out there….I doubt there will be any…please slap some senses into me if I get that desperate! EW! I don’t want to turn into a frog!)

Okay...I am not looking for a prince...I just want to find love like Carl and Ellie Fredrickson in “Up” (also a Disney/Pixar production...maybe I just need to stop watching Disney movies that idealize romance...maybe I am just brainwash...haha!) I just want to find someone to grow old together with. A simple love through sickness and health is not too much to ask for right? Is it? Perhaps it is too good to be true! They do, after all… have a near perfect love….probably as close to perfect as any couple will ever get! Sometimes…may be it is the not so perfect part of a relationship that makes it unforgettable. In “Up”, it was Ellie’s infertility….the regret had strengthens their bond. To truly move on from a relationship…maybe you have to first let go of your regrets! Time can heal the deepest wounds….hopefully…

The Break Up

It’s been approximately two months since I had broken up with my boyfriend of six years. We still talk since our break up….and clearly it is a BAD idea. It takes more than a couple of shots for forget a relationship. TRUST ME! Talking to the person obviously delays the process. DUH! (Not to mention stupid!) I am allowing my ID to ruin my life. (For those who are not familiar “Id, ego, and super-ego are the three parts of the psychic apparatus defined in Sigmund Freud's structural model of the psyche. According to this model of the psyche, the id is the set of uncoordinated instinctual trends; the ego is the organised, realistic part; and the super-ego plays the critical and moralising role.” taken from wikipedia). I need to learn SELF CONTROL! Please super-ego…come back to me! I need to develop rational behavior! It seems when it comes to him.....I lose my ability to reason! *sniff sniff*

This blog is created to prevent me from venting to my friends! (I am sure they are ALL getting sick of my endless complains!) Hopefully by documenting the process, I can finally get over him…and perhaps I can even find my happily ever after. ...if it exist!